Something funny...hmmmm....

I spoke to a friend the other day.  Yes, believe it or not, i do have a friend!!  She told me that she had read my blog, but that she more or less found it depressing.  Well i think the words she used were that she found it sad, but its more or less saying they are depressing.
So i re-read them, and i have just re-read them again.   I dont think that they are that sad.  Not really.  I have essentially introduced myself and my unusual relationship with the tv show 'the big bang theory', i have whinged about being fat, and i have explained a bit about how much i love my children.  Oh and that i do.

I did explain to my friend, we shall name her J, that a blog is what you choose it to be.  I guess as i grow, so will my blog.  I told her that i am using it as a bit of a healing process, as you see, i am getting over a tough time in my life.
Having just had my second child, thinking i had it all together and then PND sneaking in and pulling the rug from right out under me.  I also got diagnosed with PNA...anxiety.  I feel now that i am over the worst of it, but i wont lie, it has been a hard road.  Im going to whinge again, as its been a hard road, and although i have informed friends and family of my plight, i have battled it alone.   I battled it and i have managed to somehow come out the other side with minimal damage!!

So there we have it....that taboo subject.  Post Natal Depression.  I have never had a problem discussing it, or even telling people that i have or am now suffering from it.  Other people have a problem with it.

So i hope now, that if you read my blog, i hope you dont think that i am depressing.  I see this as a place to come and let the world know exactly how i feel with a false sense of anonymity.  I do know that people read this that i know, but isnt it great to have people know how you really feel?

So i shall say to you now that i am in a good place now, i wasnt, but i am now.  I am loving life with my two beautiful sons.  I feel completely ripped off that it took me 5 months to finally enjoy K and now i am going back to work where i will have to fit a whole week of time and love into the two days of the weekend.   I hope though as my children play with the latest toys and gadgets, as they go to school with clothes on their backs and food in their bags, as they play sport, as they go to the movies with friends and then girlfriends, that one day they could possibly understand what their father and i sacrificed so that they could have the very best.

For now though, i shall enjoy being out of the shadows.  I shall enjoy the here and now.  I dont promise to lament on what has been and i make no promises to worry about what shall be.

Knock Knock

Who's there?

You

You who?

I'm right here


xx